Growing Pains: Moving Back

I write this post from the comfort of my childhood home.

For the past few months I have been in between cities trying to figure things out but to no avail. I am incredibly saddened by the news I have received this morning, yet I am content; maybe all the stoicism I have been reading is growing on me.

I was raised in Winnipeg, MB when my father decided to immigrate to Canada, and I am both proud and attached to my hometown. But as I grew up, my parents became busy with our family business and my newborn brother, so I wandered off on my own more mentally than physically.

I decided to travel physically and through the internet around Canada before I graduated university. I knew deep down no matter how much I associated myself with my hometown, I wanted to get out and see the world.

We had close family friends in the Vancouver area. I’m sure everyone has heard of how nice it is over there but realistically speaking it was not affordable with an entry level salary.

Next up was Toronto, I have been a few times for travel and work, but it is a very hectic place. I told myself, if I was going to live there, I might as well go work as an intern in Shanghai or something. The only thing that attracts me to the city is the Toronto Raptors anyways.  

After tedious research I chose what I would call the perfect city for me, Calgary. The city is under an hour away from the Rockies. The downtown strip is very clean and actually livable unlike Winnipeg. It is not as big as Vancouver or Toronto, but it still had all the amenities. I can’t even begin to recall the times I have daydreamed of living there while watching numerous YouTube videos about the city.

Shortly after graduation, I was hired and placed in the company’s local training center in Winnipeg. The training class was given the choice on relocation. After training, I was notified that I was being sent to Alberta without an actual location within the province.

Few months gone by, I get placed in Red Deer, AB. It’s a little town right in the middle of the road that connects Edmonton and Calgary. I was temporary there, so I didn’t give much thought to it. Then I got sent up to Edmonton; it wasn’t exactly where I wanted to be but hey, it’s the provincial capital of Alberta.

Looking back now, I would say I really enjoyed my time in Edmonton and miss it from time to time. I cannot say I lived fully while I was there, but the memories will stay with me forever.  

I rented a room from a dude originating from Montréal. He was the typical Edmontonian working up North, so I was left alone with the house to myself most of the time. Also, he was a die-hard Toronto Raptors fan which made it much easier since I am a hardcore basketball fan myself.

Bruno, I hope all the best for you!   

Speaking of basketball, no matter where I went in this world, the sport has been an universal language for me everywhere I go. Through the sport I met many amazing people and it was no different in Edmonton.

I signed up to this local gym called LA Fitness and made friends through ball like you wouldn’t believe. It was after the regular sessions of ball, in the sauna, I met Adnan and Allen. I know it’s not the most conventional place to meet new people, but I guess things just work out like that sometimes eh.

Adnan was a Bosnian semi-pro player that came over to Canada with his parents under refugee status. I had never played against someone at his level and more than often he would make me wonder if I even knew how to play basketball; yes, he was that good.

While we were chatting, Allen in his usual disruptive voice chimed in and started talking. He always thought I was Korean and was surprised we were both Chinese and could converse in the mother tongue. Naturally, we began hanging out and got to become real close friends. It eventually evolved into ball after work then late-night grub while listening to his long-distance relationship troubles.

My guy is getting hitched in September!

Allen introduced me into a local basketball club. The Edmonton Dragons were extremely well organized and ambitious in their long-term goals. They welcomed me with open arms and through the club I even became a board member. It felt like a family, everyone was super supportive of each other and the club goals. Before I left for Calgary, our board had a goal of establishing our own clubhouse within a 5 year span. Here’s hoping to see the clubhouse next time when I visit!

I also met Steve and Aaron through Raj, who was actually a client of mine from work. They were all from other parts of the country, so it created a natural bond between us. Raj went back home eventually as an airline pilot. Aaron finished his CPA so I can finally throw all of my tax questions at him. And Steve, well, still living in his castle with his dogs and cars. I miss my buds like family and it has been the hardest part for me through this whole thing.  

Speaking of family, I think I really grew apart from my actual family in my two years away from home in Edmonton. I have alluded to this previously; my family and I have a weird relationship.

From the surface, it’s the typical Asian immigrant family trying to make it in a foreign country story. But I think a lot has been lost through this concept of hard work, where I was left alone most of the time to explore by myself. When Christmas came around, I didn’t even think to visit family since I was having such a good time in Edmonton. If you are from an Asian background, you would understand this is absolutely unacceptable in our culture, but it also speaks volumes into how disconnected an Asian household can be when it comes to generational relationships.

As disconnected as I felt, I still had a wonderful childhood and will always love my parents, but I think the stress of living in their shadow and always being so well protected got to me. So when I moved out it was such a breath of fresh air, I had forgotten about their existence. Shout out to Raj, Steven and Aaron for making me a part of the shenanigans we did haha.  

On top of my wonky relationship with my family, I was also not having a good time at work. I liked my coworkers and boss, but I fell into that trap of frustration all millennials get when they first enter the workforce.

I thought I was wasting time.

I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting paid more.

I thought I was better than everyone else.

I didn’t see my work as meaningful as I had previously thought it would be.

I needed and wanted a change, so I applied for a transfer down to my dream city of Calgary.

When I applied for the transfer, I was ecstatic about my decision, I knew it meant nothing to apply but I wanted to be in Calgary so bad I drove there almost every weekend to visit. Then the boss man came back with excuses to reject my transfer. I had a feeling and knew it would be a drag but like a true young grasshopper I decided to quit and move down south without a job lined up.

• 

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I was in contact with my parents and luckily, they had old friends from Winnipeg living in Calgary. They were gracious enough to let me crash in their basement while I looked for my own spot. Fast forward to now, I have my own place and a retail management job to cover my essential needs. I really enjoyed being a retail manager mainly because of the kids I was managing. As fun as they were though, they also made me realize I was getting older and needed to get my shit together since making hourly wage was not something sustainable for me.

Every single day I would be searching for the next opportunity while trying to make sense of my current situation. Then again, through basketball, I made a breakthrough so to speak.

My buddy Ken was working in a gig that overlapped with my previous work experience. I did not want to go back to my previous job even though I had tons of offers, I wanted something different and Ken’s gig seemed like a good change. So again, without hesitation I quit my retail job immediately.

I was so in need of a change I overlooked the fact that this gig would be fully commissioned without any base salary. I knew this was a gamble for me in the long run. But I was confident that I can sell, and I was fully engaged on that next big commission paycheck; which never came due to me being still new to the industry.

Naturally, I fell into debt.

I am fully aware of how potent debt can be toward someone’s well-being; hence this blog. I was struggling and my pride kept on feeding me with fictitious commission checks that never came. When I was pushed into the corner, I refused to wake up from my daydreams. Once again Ken came to the rescue, he dragged me to his side gig to make some extra cash so I can survive until the commission came in.

Meanwhile, everything seemed to be going up in the eyes of my family back home. I didn’t want them to worry and, I knew for sure they would want me to move back at the very moment they caught wind of my struggles.

I crumbled.

It was at the office. I was sobbing while calling my dad for help. The beautiful view of the Calgary skyline from the office always inspired me, but in that moment it only made me sadder because I knew this is probably the last time I will be seeing it.

I moved back home. It was a quick maneuver. In hindsight it was better this way since the more I dragged on, the more I will be missing my friends. It was tough and that is an understatement.

I left home right after university, all the relationships I made were out in the West. I guess as much as I was sad, I was also scared to re-start again back home. It took me a long time to digest and I don’t think my personality will ever allow me to recover.

It has been couple of months now. I cannot say I have moved on, but my perspective definitely changed. I am still searching for answers and re-writing my personal blueprint. I have been reading tons as an excuse to not go out since I feel “shameful” for having to move back home. I know time will dissolve all things eventually. I have been reading and writing as my own form of therapy. It is really painful to rewind and see how my move panned out, but I would say it has been a great learning opportunity for myself to really re-evaluate my life.

I have learned many things from my own experiences of moving out. Therefore, I have compiled a condensed list of the really important things to look out for when moving out.  

Before Moving Out:

• Try to accumulate an emergency fund before the move
• Calculate foreseeable costs BEFORE you move
• Hidden unforeseeable costs are KILLER and they exist  
• Always have a life plan in place; just getting out of your mama’s house does not mean the rest of your life is set!
• Prepare yourself emotionally so you can cope with worst case scenarios; whether if it is bad roommates, relationships or changing jobs, you have to take it in the gut sometimes while exploring new options
• DO NOT move without a job in line, and if you do have a job in line, conduct heavy analysis on its future value with the local economy
• Ask yourself this: DOES MOVING OUT ALIGN WITH MY FUTURE? This is key because as much as I love Calgary, due to my personal struggles I did not even get to enjoy the city. Similarly, it’s like living in the ghettos of New York City; sure, you’re in this gorgeous city but you can’t even afford living expenses then what is the point?

After Moving Out:

• No matter what happens, ALWAYS have a consistent income stream
• Your livelihood is dependent upon your income, do not quit your job like me if you don’t have anything else lined up    
• Keep in close contact with family, although we have our differences, our parents have seen more than us
• Fire cannot be kept under wraps with paper; the moment a problem arises you need to solve it before it spreads (i.e. debt)
• Consistently build and maintain that emergency fund; if I had done so I could have weathered the storm and still be in my dream city right now  
• ALWAYS BE SCHEMING; you must consistently make boss moves rather than celebrating one small win and leaving it at that
• Life comes at you from all angles, it is true you cannot prepare for all of it, but you can take control by dictating your own destiny. Do not wait until you absolutely hate your job then quit, even if you love your job right now develop a side gig and continue to network with others  

I continually learned new things after each regurgitation of my past experiences. Not only do I learn life lessons, but I also discovered quite a bit about myself. I discovered my personality reflected in my actions and decisions. I was not mature enough to research and analyze a situation before making the ultimate decision.   

So, I concluded that the first step to success is to admit your own wrongs, faults and mistakes. Once you have identified the problems then you will move on mentally to solve them and become a better person.

I should not have quit my job on a whim.

I should not have let my pride get in the way.

I should not have daydreamed without any execution.

And most importantly, I should have implemented and developed a plan of action on my life.

After moving back home, I decided to scheme up a plan in order to cope with all the emotions I bottled up. I find it very productive once I have set a clear goal for myself. I never knew I was a goal-oriented person; after whacking a few balls with my dad at the golf dome, I realized how pleased I was when I was able to hit the targets that I set to hit before leaving the dome.

Originally, I was planning heavily towards how to get out of the comforts of my hometown. I cannot stand Winnipeg because it was boring and limited in opportunity for young professionals like myself. But now I have a newfound perspective through the influence of my constant research.  

After reading a Financial Samurai post, I will be committing the crime of geo-arbitrage. I figured I am living in the most inexpensive city in Canada, so while cutting down my costs it will give me a higher opportunity cost to save and invest that difference. The average house price in Winnipeg is $300,000; depending on the area you could afford a house for even less. Winnipeg is 26% lower than Toronto in the cost of living index. Also, a single person cost per month is just under $1,000 not accounting rent. These numbers will heavily accelerate my personal retirement goal in reaching financial independence.   

From Grant’s book, Financial Freedom, I learned by converting money to units of time, we do not need a set budget to save since money is infinite, time is finite.

Money is INFINITE, Time is FINITE

Financial Freedom – Grant Sabathier

Let’s face it, following budgets suck and it creates stress in many ways. Grant argues, if you can readjust and train your mind to constantly convert money into units of time, you will almost certainly never going to make a poor financial decision. Therefore, I have decided to shift my focus from trying to move out of my hometown as soon as possible, to retiring well before the consensus retirement age of 65.

I will be going on a journey to accumulate an egregious goal of $1.5 million dollars of cash. Once I have achieved the goal, I will be living exclusively off the interest it generates.  

Yes, it is a lofty goal. But if you do not set out a big challenge then you will never flourish. I have formal training in finance and a passion for personal finance. I am also completely aware of the sacrifices I will have to make to achieve such a goal. Grant made me realize that retiring at an arbitrary age of 65 is archaic and absolutely makes no sense. We were taught by our parents and their parents of this concept, yet we failed to challenge its validity. Ultimately, we settle for mediocrity and only hope we can amass a few dollars before age 65.  

Who said you can’t retire before age 65?!

I think Grant really drove the point home for me with this concept of converting money into units of time. According to World Bank stats, average life expectancy in Canada is 82 years old, from 65 to 82, that is 17 years of fun IF you retire at 65. But you won’t be enjoying those years at an old age, therefore I completely agree with time is finite and money is infinite statement.

Scratch the 17 years… you can’t be telling me you want to be locked at your desk for 40+ years before you can go do whatever you please! The biggest part to financial independence is the freedom that comes with it. By eliminating the financial burden of stress, you can take your time to explore other things or goals you have always dreamed of doing. Therefore, instead of looking for an opportunity to move out of this rather miserable city, I have rewired my brain to devise a plan to amass $1.5 million dollars while taking advantage of the low expenses.

Come along as I take you on to my journey of accomplishing this big lofty goal.

– stay thrifty